And dear she was, indeed.  It didn’t take her too long to label my sisters and I “rattleheads” when she saw how we, grown women for heaven’s sake, pranced and laughed and sang and did generally silly things that would get us thrown out of a more serious venue.  But United Helpers Nursing Home in Canton, NY mostly welcome our antics as do most of the residents.

Sharon, my eldest sister, was truly the “head” rattler, and Flo adored her.  Sharon would sit with Flo for hours talking, singing, being.  This was a special bond for Flo, who, outliving her husband and both her children, neither of whom had children of their own, adored the attention and connection and love.

I love you, Mama Flo.  Have an amazing time wherever you are!

A story is more than just words or pictures on the page.  In fact, the words and pictures are sometimes simply a catalyst to the deeper stories that are shared once this door is opened. Allow this book to be a tool for the connection, not the means to an end.

Here are some things to keep in mind when sharing this story:

• Release any expectation. Sometimes you will have a captive audience when reading the story, other times it may spark an alternate conversation and still other times it may appear that nothing is happening.  Let whatever happens be OK.  The point is you are together, present with one another.

• Let this be an interactive process. Some ways to do this are:

1. Expand on the story. If an element of the story reminds you of a personal experience, consider weaving that in with the book.
2. Ask simple questions.  What does your listener think about a certain sentence or verse of the book? Does it remind them of anything they have ever done before?  How do they feel about a particular aspect of the story?
3. Create an activity around the story. Drawing, coloring, doodling, writing, rhyming, alliterations, singing, these are all simple activities to incorporate into the story telling.

•  Enjoy yourself.  The best gift you can bestow on someone is the joy you feel because you are with them.  Don’t force this, as it will be frustrating to all involved.  If you’re not “in the mood”, honor that and return to it another time when the conditions are right.  This is a very important aspect of sharing, so please allow yourself to really absorb what the above statements imply.
• Recognize the distinction between reading to kids vs. reading to adults.  Often we equate the elder years as a second childhood, or parenting our parents. Reframe this idea, as it really is a unique developmental time of life.  Kids are ready to explore the world and learn about what they value and how the world works.  Elders tend to be reflective and look at things like life purpose and the bigger picture.  Keeping this in mind will guide your interactions in a way that is respectful and dignified.

Check out this site, you’re in for some surprises!

Lavender Ladies, a picture book for seniors

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Check out your local bookstore or library and you’ll find lots of books for infants and toddlers with vivid images and bold colors. But, how about the elderly? A Vermont woman is creating a series of picture books for seniors. The first is titled “Lavender Ladies”. Natalie Tucker Miller told Todd Moe that she got the idea for the books after reading stories to a group of residents at her mother’s nursing home.

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More about picture books for the elderly

  Tell a friend about this story!

I encourage you to check out her books and philosophy. Just lovely.

Upon reading about Turquoise Teenagers, Geri recalled how she didn’t date when she was a teen. “I was too tall, too smart and too skinny!”

Pat remembered one of her favorite chores as a child was hanging laundry on the line when she saw the illustration of the Pastel Parent doing wash.

Anna (aka Wild Adirondack Woman) smiled gleefully as she read the pages having to do with the freedom of being a child.

Roy wanted to help by exploring the pictures, letting me know which one his aging eyes could see clearly.

Midge and Fern loved that “the whole family” was in the book.

Cora simply ooh’ed and ah’ed and was pleased to be included.

These are the kinds of things I get to witness when I read to elders. Could I ever fully express just how joyous this is? If you have any doubt, I urge you to sit with an elder and engage in the simple activity of picture book sharing. Leave lots of silent space for the elder to fill with their recollections and insights.

The only time I feel sad when with elders is when it’s time to leave.

Peace,
Natalie

Lavender Ladies will be the surprise best seller this year which will spurn a movement towards all things lavender. I am so incredibly grateful for this opportunity to serve humanity in this way and I invite you to jump on board and get involved. Sign up to volunteer here: http://www.ageless-sages.com/contact.htm

For further information and support visit Ageless-Sages.com

Click here to see the slide show presentation of Lavender Ladies, our premier Picture Book for Elders™ publication.

And here it was.  The moment. Or at least close to the moment.  She did, after all, recognize that I was probably part of her family. Bonus!

Plus she was clearly happy and excited to introduce me to her new friend, whose name she didn’t know, only that “She’s funny, you’ll like her”.  Another bonus?  Did she recall that in our family, we value a sense of humor above many other qualities?  A stretch, perhaps, yet these are the things I see families grasping onto all the time.  Suddenly, the mundane becomes crucial.  We search for clues, hoping to uncover the person we remember, finding comfort in any way we can spin the story to suit our needs.

Once I understood the futility in that exercise it became evident that I owed it to myself to lose my dependency of what once was and look for the perfection in what now is. We’ve heard it before, everything happens for a reason. Though my philosophy is a variation on that theme (everything happens. Period.), it does invite my wiser self to the table, to sit in on these sessions and find the beauty, the wonder and yes, the perfection.  Allowing myself to see these things is not something I can later articulate; rather it’s something I feel. I know. I accept. I relish.

The path to this ability to relish this truth did take some deliberate steps. Some steps were inherently part of the unique perspective on life I came into the world possessing, some I learned because of my desire to feel good when visiting friends and relatives who are in this uncharted phase of life.

And I routinely invite others, who have yet to view this developmental stage as the precious time in life it is, to determine how their own unique perspective can guide them to a more fulfilling connection with those they feel have disconnected.

Ask yourself:
What’s really bothering you when you see this shift in cognition?
If there is repetition of conversation (the most common of frustrations, I’ve found), what meaning are you attaching to it that creates this frustration?
Are there fears you can identify?
What is preventing you from appreciating this person as they now are?

These questions can be the beginning of a process that helps you to fully embrace, fully engage, fully feel all that life has to offer.  We get to choose on this one, as we do with everything in our life: How do you choose to feel about this?  If you prefer feeling joy over pain, then start right now. Start questioning what you’ve come to think of as truth and look it squarely and deeply in the eyes.  Remind yourself that it is YOU in charge of how you see the circumstances, not the other way around.

And of course remember that it’s love that will ultimately guide you.  Love for yourself, love for others, love for what is.

My mother was right, her knew friend is a barrel of laughs. And the next time I visited, she asked me about her granddaughters, my daughters, indicating she was accessing a part of her memory that included us.  Bonus. For now.