This entry is from a guest blogger, Rebecca Rose Taylor. Rebecca told me, “Overall, I want to inspire people to think in a more positive way. I want seniors to know that as long as they do their best, they are making a difference too. I have seen so many seniors feel that they are an inconvenience because they are struggling but seeing them do their best makes me a better person.”

Dream Weaver

By: Rebecca Rose Taylor

Copyright © 2008

Nestled away in a drawer is my graduation hat. Occasionally, I take it out and look at it. Some probably call it clutter. I call it a memento. Looking at it makes me smile because I remember the hard work that made high school graduation possible and the grand moment when I walked across the stage and received my diploma. Next, I went to college and emerged two years later with my diploma in office administration.

Now, I am secretary-receptionist at a senior’s home where I have the opportunity to meet and help amazing seniors every day. I am proud of my accomplishments but more importantly, I am proud of the undertakings, which I see them make. Change is hard to accept, but when the transformations that occur alter the way your life has been lived, you have to have an astonishing sense of strength to overcome those challenges. Age has caused some of these seniors to lose mobility, eyesight, hearing and sometimes their minds are not as sharp as they desire. The ability to write their names as they once did often changes, they see the change in what was on the papers in front of them but I see perfection, because no matter what life brings them, these seniors push their boundaries, overcoming their obstacles making me proud of them. I believe that as long as any of us does our best we have achieved. Some people fear aging, I don’t. I know at twenty-one, I am starting my life but if I adopt the practices of these seniors and live a happy, determined lifestyle anything is possible. Life must be taken in strides.

You never know what will touch your life. Some of the smallest things can touch lives in the biggest ways. My favourite phrases are “thank you” and “have a great evening.” They may seem insignificant, but they’re not. They mean that someone cares, that you are important. We are all tiny ripples in the ocean of the world, each responsible for changing it. By touching a life, you make a difference. I pray that some day the world will be filled with smiling people, hands reaching out to help each other, and violence will be outdated. I believe positive thinking can help achieve anything; a smile is one’s greatest asset and wanting something enough will make it happen.

The most important thing in life is being happy. If you are unhappy stop, step back, and reflect. You need to weave dreams; they achieve goals. Dreams are motivation. Give back to the world, and it will give back to you. Our lives can be touched in the smallest of ways; a kind word, the touch of a hand and a smile can give people the utmost happiness they experience .Never quit. All lives need to be put in perspective. Sometimes it takes a news story but it could be a memento like my graduation cap, which reminds me of how fortunate I am to be surrounded by people that care both at home, at work, and in the community.

Rebecca’s previous publications include:

· A Cat Having Kittens, poem, published in 1999 by Taproot: Poetry, Prose and Images of the Townships and in 2008 by Michael Lee Johnson’s website “A Tender Touch and a Shade of Blue.”

· A Day in the Life of Teddy Bear, short story, published in January 2008 online edition of Perspectives Magazine.

· Excel – Farm Management at Your Fingertips, article, published in January 2008 issue of Grainews.

· Never Too Late, poem, published in September 2008 on Long Story Short website.

· Ninety Years of Memories, short story, published in February 2008 in Bread n’ Molasses Magazine.

· Organizing the Barn: How to Find Everything Right When You Need It, article, published in July 2008 issue of Grainews.

Recollections of Jesus’ Manger,short story published in Perspectives Magazine Contest Corner January 2009

· Scarlet Red, short story, published in July 2008 online edition of Perspectives Magazine.

· Soldier’s Uniform: A Father’s Love, short story, 2nd place winner in Perspectives Magazine’s Father’s Day Contest.

· Tales of A Wheelchair, short story, published in January 2009 by Perspectives Magazine.

· The Heart of Things, short story, 2nd place winner in Perspective Magazine’s Valentine’s Day Contest.

· The Letter, short story, published in summer 2008 issue of Write On!

· Wild Child, poem, published in 2008 by Michael Lee Johnson’s website “A Tender Touch and a Shade of Blue.”

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“You’ve had experience with this”, the host implied admiringly when I engaged his elder mother in conversation at his party.  I’m often noted for my interaction with elders,  indicating it might be uncommon and perhaps acquired.

When I began my teaching career in the late 80′s, there was often a similar intonation regarding the way I interacted with children. It inspired me to be a leader for parents who had difficultly communicating with their offspring, not unlike the inspiration I feel  to model behavior for people with  parents who have moved into a developmental stage of greater dependence.  Dependence, basically, on people to treat them with the same understanding it takes with anything worth pursuing.

What exactly was it that I did that prompted this praise? I want to see what he saw, so that I can break it down in a way that is useful for others, as I did for parents many years ago. And although there is nothing formulaic about how any one person is in a relationship, there are some guiding principles that might apply.

So here goes. How I Swept Ingrid Off Her Feet

• I noticed her and greeted her. (You’d be surprised how often elders are disregarded on this very basic level, although this was not the case last night).
• When she repeated a fact about her life, I responded each time as if it were the first time I’d heard it.  (It was evident that she did not recall telling me and I’ve observed that pointing this out to someone whose memory does not categorize like it used to usually frustrates or diminishes, neither of which I set out to do). I’m even able to now recognize that it is the first time I’m hearing it. (Think about it! Each time I hear someone say something, anything, it’s the first time!)
• “Would you mind helping me?” is a question that I asked that she did not seem accustomed to hearing.  Imagine how this one little re-frame  created a feeling of empowerment for someone who might be feeling like more of a burden than a contribution.
• I make sure not to overwhelm with other questions.  Now that she was intrigued with me, I followed her lead. I let her guide the conversation and it became obvious what she was interested in and capable of talking about. Children, the spectacular view of Lake Champlain before us,  the color of each other’s eyes.
• I kept my mind open to insight.  As a result, I allowed the wisdom and beauty that she offered to enlighten and contribute to my personal growth.

Pretty simple, but as the saying goes, not always easy.

If you find you are less than excited to interact with elders, ask yourself some questions.

• Does something prevent you from allowing the process of conversation to unfold in this manner?
• Is accepting a change in memory difficult for you?
• What scares you about the elder developmental stage?
• Are you willing to re-frame the relationship in a way that can ultimately be an enhancement for both of you?

As I rediscovered last night, any initial effort invested dwarfs the outcome by a mile.

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Stop thinking this is all there is. . . . Realize that for every ongoing war and religious outrage and environmental devastation and bogus Iraqi attack plan, there are a thousand counter-balancing acts of staggering generosity and humanity and art and beauty happening all over the world, right now, on a breathtaking scale, from flower box to cathedral. . . . Resist the temptation to drown in fatalism, to shake your head and sigh and just throw in the karmic towel. . . . Realize that this is the perfect moment to change the energy of the world, to step right up and crank your personal volume; right when it all seems dark and bitter and offensive and acrimonious and conflicted and bilious . . . there’s your opening. Remember magic. And, finally, believe you are part of a groundswell, a resistance, a seemingly small but actually very, very large impending karmic overhaul, a great shift, the beginning of something important and potent and unstoppable.

Mark Morford

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Today is the 93rd anniversary of my father’s birth. In his memory, I offer a repost of his classic poem:

By the late Basyl H. Tucker, sometime in the early 1970′s:

I saw a boy walk in the place
With hair down to his shoulder
Good Lord, he could be president
Someday when he gets older

These kids are going straight to hell.
Or are they?

The girl who came in with him
Was something to be seen
Hair too red, skirt too short,
Her eyes were painted green!

These kids are going straight to hell.
Or are they?

And then the played the jukebox
Such noise you would not believe!
How they can listen that stuff
I really can’t conceive

These kids are going straight to hell.
Or are they?

Then suddenly it hit me
When I was once their age
There were Tams and Plus Four Knickers
And Zoot Suits were the Rage

We kids were going straight to hell.
Or were we?

The girls wore funny things then too
Hair cut short like men
The way we dressed in those day
I don’t want to see again

We kids were going straight to hell.
Or were we?

And when we played the jukebox
You couldn’t stand the sound
Of Mairzy Doats the Jersey Bounce
And Music Goes ‘Round and ‘Round

We kids were going straight to hell.
Or were we?

So fella’s wear you hair long
And girls your knees don’t hide
For how you wrap the package
Doesn’t tell you what’s inside.

__________________________________

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The premise of the Abraham-Hicks Emotional Guidance Scale (EGS) is that you can get into a higher vibration more easily and sustainably if you do so incrementally. Going from worry to optimism might be too far a reach, however, worry ro doubt or pessimism is ripe with possibility. From there, your view might include contentment or hopefulness, which is much closer to enthusiasm.

Don’t rush it. Feel the feelings of each “rung” of the EGS ladder that you climb atop and allow it organically unfold.

The Emotional Guidance Scale

From the book “Ask and It is Given”, pg. 114

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Conversation Starters With Elders Which Encourage Connection

The elder developmental stage of life has as many specificities as any other stage, however if you’re not past 80, it can be difficult to understand. Just as my 22 and 24 yr. old daughters can’t fully understand the decisions her 52 yr. old mother makes, we don’t always see the wisdom in the choices of our older counterparts.

It’s first important to understand that the aging brain processes things differently than it did when it was younger. In fact, there are things the older brain can process that a younger brain simply cannot. Elders have the edge on grasping the big picture and seeing life from a broader perspective. And since I’m not 80, I have no idea what that looks like, however my research has helped me compile these ideas for conversation.

Starting with direct questions can sometimes be inhibiting. Unless you’re sure the topic is something that the person is interested in recalling or exploring, start with statements that can emerge into questions as you go. Indirect questions can also help get a flow of dialogue moving. The point isn’t to get the “right” answers or have the conversation accomplish something specific, other than allowing two beings to connect in a way that honors the experience and wisdom of the elder. The following suggestions are not meant to be spoken verbatim, although some could! They’re designed to get you thinking past the paradigms that you might be attached to at this stage of your life. This is a chance to develop your sensibilities and spirit.

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