Ageless-Sages » elderly http://www.ageless-sages.com/blog Picture Books For Elders Wed, 01 Feb 2012 01:41:43 +0000 en hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 2006-2007 natalie@ageless-sages.com (Ageless-Sages) natalie@ageless-sages.com (Ageless-Sages) 1440 http://www.ageless-sages.com/blog/wp-content/plugins/podpress/images/powered_by_podpress.jpg Ageless-Sages http://www.ageless-sages.com/blog 144 144 Picture Books For Elders Ageless-Sages Ageless-Sages natalie@ageless-sages.com no no Classic Shel http://www.ageless-sages.com/blog/classic-shel/ http://www.ageless-sages.com/blog/classic-shel/#comments Wed, 14 Jul 2010 13:33:38 +0000 Natalie http://www.ageless-sages.com/blog/classic-shel/ Said the little boy, “Sometimes I drop my spoon.”
Said the old man, “I do that, too.”
The little boy whispered, “I wet my pants.”
“I do that too,” laughed the little old man.
Said the little boy, “I often cry.”
The old man nodded, “So do I.”
“But worst of all,” said the boy, “it seems
Grown-ups don’t pay attention to me.”
And he felt the warmth of a wrinkled old hand.
“I know what you mean,” said the little old man.

– Shel Silverstein
From “A Light in the Attic”

]]> http://www.ageless-sages.com/blog/classic-shel/feed/ 0 Coaching and Elders http://www.ageless-sages.com/blog/coaching-and-elders/ http://www.ageless-sages.com/blog/coaching-and-elders/#comments Mon, 12 Oct 2009 21:48:16 +0000 Natalie http://www.ageless-sages.com/blog/?p=121 macPersonal coaching has been taking the world by storm the past several years with its unique way of helping empower people to live fully expressed lives.  You don’t have to be a professional coach, though, in order to utilize a coaching approach.

The very tenets of coaching are great tools for enhancing relationships, and I’ve found these concepts especially useful in  relationships with elders. Skills like helping someone to clarify their intent without imposing your own will, listening fully without an agenda and accepting people exactly as they are at any given moment builds trust and creates an environment of peacefulness and harmony that may otherwise seem impossible.

As our loved ones move into developmental stages which we are yet to experience, it’s easy to fall into a the false belief that we need make every decision as they appear to become less and less capable and that the decisions are frustration and challenging.  We are constantly bombarded with ads that focus on fear, articles that spread the doom and gloom of being old and products that promise to keep us from living the dreaded phase of old age.

It’s time to shift out of that way of thinking and look at this through a different lens. Learning some coaching techniques can help.

1~ Instead of jumping to a suggestion, consider sitting quietly for a moment and eliciting a suggestion. This may seem impossible to you, especially if you are dealing with someone with a dimished capacity to process.  But it’s not impossible to show someone you are ready to listen, or at the very least, ready to stop talking for a while.

2 ~ Yes, of course you are well meaning and have their best interest at heart, but take some time to consider that you really have no idea what that is. Seriously. Even if you are considering several different options, if you are not collaborating with the person involved, you’ll only hit the target a small perceptage of time.

3 ~ Learn to hear the wisdom of the elders. This may seem pie in the sky, especially if all you’ve been hearing is a lot of babbling, or complaining, or anything that seems “beside the point”.   Once you learn to clear your mind, put your attention on the person you’re with and keep your thoughts in the present moment, miracles happen.

What will this accomplish? Plenty! First and foremost, it can help you to release the angst and anxiety that often plagues this time of life. Additionally, the resistance that often shows up from the person you are hoping to help can melt away and a true connection can emerge. And it doesn’t have to take much time.

Of course this is just a sampling of the ways you can surrender to the relationship and find more love, happiness and peacefulness. And that, my friend, can change everything.

]]> http://www.ageless-sages.com/blog/coaching-and-elders/feed/ 3 Understanding Elderspeak http://www.ageless-sages.com/blog/temptation/ http://www.ageless-sages.com/blog/temptation/#comments Mon, 02 Mar 2009 17:18:59 +0000 Natalie http://www.ageless-sages.com/blog/?p=74 It’s surely tempting to read a study, a blog post, an opinion, a case study and base how you act on the content. We do it all the time. “Is what I’m saying appropriate?”  “Is that PC?”  “Will this offend someone?”

Indeed, those are ok questions to ponder if you’re not sure and want to do what feels best. However when we consider what other people deem appropriate and ignore our own inner guidance,  our ability to be in touch with our intuition and connect meaningfully with others is compromised.

In the news again today was an article addressing “elderspeak”, the use of a condescending tone or words to communicate with senior citizens. This has been popping up since the New York Times ran an article referencing a Yale study that concluded speaking this way to elders can effect health.

OK, grain-of-salt, perspective time here. I get it. Of course I do, as a forerunner in my field on the topic of respectful communication. I’ve been promoting it for years with parents communicating to kids, teachers to students, leaders to their constituents, spouse to spouse, the list is endless.

But is taking a concept such as this, with as much validity as it may have, and negating your own common sense is what all-too-often happens. And what it the cost of that? Being even more removed from forming a relationship because of your hyper focus on what is or is not deemed appropriate.

I could find no evidence in the study as to the benefits of terms of endearment, of which I have seen many. I think a more useful suggestion would be to become aware of your habitual responses and speak more from the heart. Teach caregivers strategies for making connections with the people with whom they are in contact and know that the appropriate sentiment for the occassion will likey arise.

Since this study has been making the rounds, I’ve been glanced at askew more than once. When I hold Lilah’s hand and ask “Is there anything you need, darlin’?” her eye contact and mustering of a smile tells me she values our friendship, nicknames and all. When I call Rose my beautiful blossom she lights up and fills a room with her smile. When call Helen “sweetness” and stroke her face, this has a positive effect on her health, of that I have no doubt. On the other hand, when I speak with Ruth it’s obvious that lovey dovey is not her style. She prefers to be called by her first name. Mr. Livingston prefers a more formal interaction and Bob loves to flirt. And the time I spend with these friends is not paramount! This is visiting time for me within the realm of my career and personal life. Connecting from the heart does not require more time. In fact, I can probably get away with spending less time, because the loving energy I leave lingers beyond the physical interaction.

So take any and all information (even this post!) for what it’s worth to YOU. Don’t get caught up in rules that, when it comes down it, are all pretty arbitrary in the first place. Lead with your heart, listen with love and become familiar with what it’s like to connect, really connect with someone.

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