Changing Our Minds

Today I read two accounts of people whose parents passed away and left them a legacy of guilt. Linda Kriger writes of the lifelong effects parenting has on a soul as David Solie concurs in his blog.

After several years of reading research related to the subconscious mind, selective memory and the unique perceptions we each bring to any given event, I have to wonder if the suffering we do in the name of guilt is even necessary.  If particles are only tendencies, as Quantum theory asserts, wouldn’t it make sense to rewrite our history in a way that serves, rather than severs?

In his book How to Get What You Want and Want What You Have: A Practical and Spiritual Guide to Personal Success, John Gray leads us through a writing process that can heal the deepest of wounds with the people in our lives who we let hurt us the most.  The process makes sense when we recognize that our memories may not be 100% accurate, or that we are the only ones responsible for getting our needs met, or that we would rather live a life of joy than desperation.

Did our parents make mistakes?  Of course.  Can they make our lives a living hell?  Not really.  That’s up to you.

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2 Responses to Changing Our Minds

  1. There is no questions that our memories are selected, distorted, and highly selective. But perception becomes our dominant reality that is not easily discarded. Gaining a new perspective such as the process John Gray is helpful. But in my experience in working with adults who are trying to untangle themselves the confusion and trauma of their childhood, it takes dedication, support, and numerous “dead ends” to work you way out. In that regard, I disagree with your somewhat glib conclusion about “That’s up to you.”

  2. Natalie says:

    Hi David,

    Thank you for providing additional perspective.

    I agree it can take all the things you mention. Research in advancements in science, psychology and brain technology, including but certainly not limited to, the research on mirror neurons and rewiring of neural networks, is teaching us that it’s possible for people to shift their thinking more quickly and thoroughly. This may have been a more appropriate approach to getting my point across!

    I appreciate you pointing out that my comment seemed glib. It’s an involved topic and my intent wasn’t to minimize the issue.


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